JJMAJR's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Bloody Submarines]

I got PISSED at this fucking game.

Five stars obviously.

Template88 responds:

Yeah, its a bit ridiculously hard.

[Don't F**up Christmas]

Why is my popup blocker going crazy when I play this game?

TristanMX responds:

Whenever you play the game tries to log you in newgrounds, that's the only window that pops up.

[Online multiplayer block test RACE]

Restart doesn't work. When landing on a specific box at the bottom of the screen you just die.

Seems normal for this category.

I'm figuring that you are intentionally making this bad because you have a screen taken out of a pornographic intellectual property.

Can't you at least add epilepsy-inducing colors?

ZabuJard responds:

ill make sure to add epilepsy next time!

[Stealy]

Played muted so I can't tell what the sound is like.

It's nice. Certainly seen better games in a ludum dare, like Cancelled Refuge.
Visuals - has its own charm, and it's surprising that you could get something looking so cartoony in 48 hours. However, I disliked the escape text, and prefer having one consistent font. My preference would be the "STOR" font you had, since it works well with the charm. The characters shown are goofy and make you remind yourself that you have to turn your brain off for a bit.

Gameplay - the endgame and the grind is a relatively bland experience. My experience is trying to work out the perfect math for stealable objects, and found that besides the presents and the gold, none of the items are worth getting. Even the lava lamp, which is a guaranteed 150 ... credits ... isn't worth getting because the gold takes a lot less weight and the presents especially take a lot less space. The combined synergistic effects of the presents and gold make them more profitable.

The maze itself isn't worth going into nor is it very interesting. It's relatively easy to remember its layout given a few moments of time. It might have more consistency in providing the above items but I find plenty in the Mansion to not overwhelm any player that upgraded their carrying abilities.

Keep it up though!

Grent responds:

Balance was definitely an issue for us, since our inclination was to add more features rather than tweak the smaller things. As for the font, a lot of what you see is Des' handwriting (STOR title included), but unfortunately we didn't have time for him to write everything, so a lot of my placeholder text made it into the final game.

Thanks for the feedback, and thanks for playing!

[Trumpy Game]

The game is still pretty poor. Reminds me of Homestuck's Lord English when he was a kid. It still works, and it still looks like he tried. I did laugh.

2 stars, end of story. The next bit is a rant, because I'm pushed over the edge.

"Seriously, respect the President."

I would make an entire fucking game about how your STUPID president made a world where food is rationed to the point that cheating on those rations result in EXECUTION and I bet I can make a better plot and gameplay experience than this.

I mean, there's so many things that the STUPIDITY of your president could cause that can and should be turned into a gameplay mechanic. Check out Create the Police State by IlyaKrivenko. Other end of the eco-political spectrum, message still the same.

Fuck the president. If you make biased reviews because you can't handle it, then fuck you! I'm sick of seeing these idiots posting zero star reviews over some PETTY shit.

In the mean time, I'm going to figure out how to make a ration using maize, beans, squash, and crickets. Because that's what you apparently want me to eat.

trumpygame responds:

Poor? Are you kidding me? I'm worth BILLIONS. I'm so rich, so rich, so RICH. I can literally point a gun down 5th avenue and shoot someone and people will still love me!

Btw, could you do me a favor and hold this apple on your head and then stand in the middle of 5th avenue?

Trumpy

[TIEM magazine #5]

I liked the satire of the horoscope shit on newspapers.

Oops, spoilers. :)

TlEM responds:

yes, we certainly had fun with those horoscope-like things! :D

we thank you for your review.

[The Impossible Black And White game]

One of the 5-permutations of "tiles" is "lies".

The above statement is a solvable puzzle, and entertaining. This game is neither.
This set of statements is true as long as you can figure out why in 24 hours.

Go.

OnAlfiGrounds responds:

I already solved it. A permutation doesn't involve using all the elements.Since the word 'tile' is formed from the characters 't','i','l','e','s', any combination of any of theese characters is a permutation so 'lies' is a valid permutation.Am I wright? Yes, it was entertaining.

---(Should I delete it, since this game is realy no good and it was just a first game upload try?)---

[Ouroboros]

I've been having a wonderful time, but where is the fairy market? I heard that you can get things called "insights" from the fairy market, which give good loot and stuff. However, I haven't been able to find the market in this version. Is the fairy market a 2.0 exclusive?

If so, what other parts of this game can only be found in 2.0?

SierraLee responds:

Glad you've been having a good time! The fairy market was added in version 2.0, sorry. You can still collect all the insights and get (mostly) the same prizes, in this version there's just a different number of them. Pretty much anywhere the characters have a conversation about their past(s) will grant insight points.

As for 2.0 exclusive content, here's a list off the top of my head:
- Fairy market
- Elemental dungeon (Amiel, Teira, and Emantha only)
- Security dungeon (and sorcerer boss fight)
- Taking the Vizier's offer
- The unique cycles (each woman gets a chance to take control and be the hero for one cycle - or not really hero, in Amiel's case ^-^)
- Atreyan's new solo cycle
- Various conversations and pieces of equipment
- Six more sex scenes

I think that covers it. Version 2.0 is essentially the same game, but has about twice the content.

[Don't touch the planet!]

I think that this is the turd of the week. Anyways, a first person platformer is a neat idea, but the fact that the player doesn't have any shadow to guide them, the ridiculous colors, simple level design, and the fact that restarting is a hard reset deters me from rating this higher.

Demastudios responds:

The graphics of the game is made he waits for and the challenge of the game and that not to fall otherwise you restart afresh

[CRAVEN]

This is a very unique game that I would hate to see die, but unfortunately I am deterred by the fact that the game's simplicity and lack of progression, which doesn't amount to a lot of play time in my experience.

Koobazaur responds:

Yep, just a prototype and design-experiment, was not meant to be a full fledged game. At least not yet ;)